God regrets never having learned Spanish

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THE SKIES – Kicking himself for never developing what would have been a useful skill, God, our Heavenly Father and the Creator of the Universe, admitted on Thursday that he regretted never having learned to speak Spanish .

God said he felt frustrated with himself for procrastinating for so long, admitting to reporters that if he had made a concerted effort to master the language when he was younger, he probably could have spoken fluently by now.

“Since the crusades, I wanted to learn spanish, but there already 2021 and I still don’t know how to say more than ‘WWhat time is it ? or ‘Two beers, please, ”said the omniscient deity, adding that the decrease in neuroplasticity brought on by his advanced age would likely make it much more difficult to learn a new language. “It sucks because if I had taken evening classes or even traveled a bit in Spain or Mexico, I could probably have gone back to the basics. Again, it may not be too late. I have always been a quick student and already know enough about Italian what people say is quite similar.

“You know I had a copy of Miguel de Cervantes Don Quixote in its original text next to my bed for centuries that I have always wanted to read, ”continued God. “More the billions of prayers of Spanish speaking souls that I have never been able to understand.

Heavenly sources have confirmed that over the past few weeks God has taken many steps to try to strengthen his language skills, going so far as to tape cards with the words “la puerta” on Pearly’s doors, and “weary”. nubas “on various clouds. The Divine Creator would also have enlisted all of Heaven in the learning exercises, asking that angels and departed souls greet him with “Hola! Qué pasa? “and address Him only as” Señor God “.

In addition, God allegedly took additional steps such as signing up for flamenco lessons and insisting on taking a daily afternoon “nap”, apparently believing that getting into an Iberian state of mind would help him to Learn the language.

“It was definitely a fight to find enough Castilian leather to stuff his throne, and I think all the angels are a little bit fed up with the gazpacho and sangria, but we’re glad the big one is so excited about it” said Archangel Azrael. , confirming that God had made sure progress with simple sentences, although he still struggled to roll his R ‘s. “God is super passionate, that’s what we love about him, but when he goes on one of those kicks, it can be a bit exhausting – awhile ago, He was obsessed with Creole cuisine and the whole sky smelled of cayenne and garlic for months.

“If he insists on spending his time on projects like this, he could at least try to learn Mandarin, which is the language of the future,” Azrael added.

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